Millions of us are out there looking for the “right person”—in bars, at parties, in clubs, at church, and on Internet dating sites, to name a few of the ways we look.
Many of us actually succeed in finding what we’re looking for, and then we fall in love. 60% of marriages end in divorce, and 50% of married women have indicated that, if not for finances and children, they would leave their husbands.
For instance, I’m bisexual, and I also enjoy dresses, manicures, makeup, and other traditionally feminine aesthetics.
(You shouldn't describe yourself as femme if you’re straight, though, as you’d be misappropriating the term and contributing to femme erasure by ignoring the inherent queerness of this identity.) Femmes are often mistaken for straight people — and we don’t like it.
Then rather than respectfully leaving us alone, our personal life becomes all about their boner as they fetishize our orientation.
Depending on their level of intoxication, some might even ask, “Can I join?
We were at a burlesque show chatting about outfits and relationships when my Tinder date remarked, “When you’re femme, you have to come out every day.” And she's right.
A simple of definition of "femme" is a queer person who presents in a feminine manner, but being femme is different than being feminine.
But it’s not just femmes who date other femmes who experience this.Sure, coming out isn’t as big of a deal to me now at 29 as it was when I was 22, but it can still be uncomfortable, especially if you’re forced into it based on someone else’s comments — IRL or on Instagram.Coming out is an individual choice, and queer people should have agency over who they come out to, and when.Usually, they first approach and offer to buy us drinks.We decline and are often forced to explain that we’re together and not interested.
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It’s downright exhausting to have to constantly deal with confused straight men while out on dates with women or non-binary folks, or have a girlfriend consistently be mistaken for a “girl friend” in the I came out as queer and bisexual (meaning I’m attracted to all genders) when I was 22 shortly after moving to New York. As a result, when I’m on a date with another femme person, straight men often hit on us.