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From his first day on the force, Nick had begun to communicate less, believing that Liz couldn't possibly under stand what his days were like — or simply because he wanted to leave work behind when he got home.He didn't understand why she interpreted his silence as a sign he didn't love her."It's hard to believe we used to have fun together. Sometimes I won't hear about what I did wrong until a month later. But she doesn't seem to remember that, either — or the fact that husbands and wives are supposed to have sex with each other! "Every day while driving home I promise myself that tonight things will be better. If I'm five minutes late, she'll hiss, 'Where were you?' It's never 'I want to hear about your day, sweetheart.' It's an inquisition.Then, as her angry attacks escalated, he truly began to dislike her."Liz yearned not only for help with the house and kids but also for connection.Our chemistry was amazing, but even then I had reservations about his being a New York City police officer.A scenario would run through my head: I'd hear a knock at the door and his captain would be there, telling me Nick had been shot. But Nick was persistent and I was too crazy about him to resist. Even when the two of us are out to dinner by ourselves, he's always looking around the room, checking out everyone and everything but me.

Not surprisingly, studies suggest that the divorce rate for police officers is higher than average, and their wives often complain that 'the department' controls their lives.

If they were going to save their marriage, I said, they had to break destructive habits and rethink their behavior.

"'Your aloofness may be normal for your profession, but it's hurting your relationship,' I told Nick.

In my new job I have a different kind of stress — management issues, everyone jockeying for position. "I take a lot of pride in my work and I've earned the respect of my fellow officers as I've moved up the ranks.

And if I handle this new job well, I have a shot at being the head honcho.

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Her Turn "Being a cop's wife means nonstop worry and tension," said Liz, 33, a stay-at-home mother of three children ranging in age from 4 to 11.

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